Published: May 14, 2008 07:02 pm         

Be a better role model

JOPLIN, Mo. — When I was young, I had a lot of heroes.

Among them were the Lone Ranger and Batman. These were characters that I looked up to and even aspired to be like. I believed that when I reached adulthood, I could be a masked cowboy who roamed the West fighting injustice, or even a billionaire crime-fighting superhero.

Of course, as I grew older, I realized these were not viable career options, and as a result, more realistic role models replaced my fictional heroes. This happens to all children as they grow older. Over time, new role models like pop stars, athletes and other celebrities replace superheroes and Disney princesses.

Unfortunately, many of the celebrities that children look up to in the teen years are horrible role models. But while these role models only have an indirect influence on teens, parents have a direct and constant influence. So to be the most effective influence, it is important for parents to understand why teens are attracted to certain role models and what they can do to be a better role model for their teen.

One reason teens are attracted to young celebrities is because they believe they understand what it’s like to be a teen. At the same time, many teens believe their parents don’t understand them at all and are unconcerned about what’s important to them. As a result, parents can become enemies instead of role models. One of the best things parents can do to increase their influence and open up communication with their teens is to listen to them and take their concerns seriously.

Another reason teens look to celebrities for guidance is because they view their lifestyles as a definition of success. Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to be rich and famous to be a role model for your teen. Instead, parents should teach teens that success is not defined by how much money you have, but rather by a wealth of character and integrity. Parents should then strive to be an example of this to teens.

Here are some tips:

Set standards. Communicate your family’s shared values and ethics to children at a young age. If your teen doesn’t know what is right and wrong and doesn’t see you living by those values, it can be hard to know the difference between good and bad role models.

Live healthy. Healthy living can include everything from exercise and healthy foods to body image and avoiding use of alcohol and tobacco. It is important for parents to practice behaviors that they want their own children reflect.

Serve others. Find ways to contribute to society and involve your teen in those experiences. By simply volunteering at a church, homeless shelter or other charity, you can set an example of giving back and possibly inspire your teen to find a cause that he or she believes in, too.

Encourage involvement. While parents are the most important role models for teens, they aren’t the only ones in their lives. Encourage your teen’s involvement in activities and organizations that allow him or her to interact with responsible adults like coaches, youth ministers and teachers.

By setting a good example for your teen, you can be the role model he or she needs for guidance and direction into adulthood. As I look back on my own teen years, the most important role model for me was not a favorite celebrity that I aspired to be like. Instead it was my father, a man who is not rich or famous, but who set an example of what it meant to be a man of integrity. Because of his direction and love, his example continues to guide me as an adult.



Mat Anderson is the staff writer and research specialist at The Bridge in Joplin, Mo. His column appears regularly in The Joplin Globe. For more information visit futureparadigm.org.